Two Fools and a Ship

There was once a vessel of extraordinary reputation. This ship would travel far and wide, leaving its home harbor with goods and come back months later with the most exotic cargo. Her crew was loyal, hardworking, benevolent, and capable. All enjoyed the benefits of this great ship and spoke highly of it and her crew frequently.


Two swindlers caught wind of this ship and her crew. They had long been in cahoots with one another and often referred to each other as brothers though they shared no blood. These two men figured that a crew as good and honest as the one they had heard about must be gullible as well. So the men devised a scheme in which they would slip amongst the crew in disguise as the ship was departing on her next voyage. The men procured their outfits and when no one was looking they slipped amongst the crew.

It took only a day before they were spotted by the excellent crew and the stow-a-ways were bound and held in the deepest bowels of the ship. The two men started lamenting over their miserable luck.

“How can it be? We’re too clever to have been caught so easily!” cried one.

“You know, brother, don’t be down. I went to see a fortune teller before our sally to see how we should fare. Do you know what this seer shared with me?”

“No, brother, what did she say?”

“She told me that when I was at my absolute lowest, when I have plummeted to the depths of which even Hades would seem like a lofty cloud in the sky, she said that all I need to do is look down,” said the one to the other with a smile.

“Look down?”

“Yes! She told me that when I could get no lower all I need to do is look beneath my feet and there I shall find buried treasure!”

“But we’re in a boat, brother. And we’re at the bottom of it.”

“Exactly! We’re the lowest we can go, just like she foresaw! And have you ever been so low, brother? Of all our hi-jinks, scandals, and exploits, have we ever had such misfortune? Have we not always been successful?”

“Aye, that is true, brother.”

“So are we not at our lowest in that sense of the word too?”

“I believe you are right, brother,” said the other with a growing smile on his face. “But still, I ask, how are you to make out the prophecy in a boat?”

“It’s simple. These sailors must have outfitted this boat with a secret cargo hold. I have heard of cargo merchants doing just such a thing in the event they should be overtaken by pirates, so they put their most valuable cargo in these secret hiding spots.”

“That makes perfect sense!”

And so the two crooks undid the shackles that bound them as this wasn’t the first time the duo had found themselves restrained in such a fashion. Not finding any obvious planks hiding a secret hold they spotted a barrel of gunpowder and poured what they thought was a small amount onto the floor of the ship. With bright smiles and eager hopes the two men lit the powder. The ship’s belly was ripped open and the sea made her way in with such speed that the brothers didn’t even have time to realize how stupidly they had behaved. The ship was sunk in moments and all her crew, cargo, and potential were lost to the sea forever.

Stupidity does not harm only the stupid.